A phone call... For many people it is a real ordeal. Let's understand why there is a fear of phone calls and how to deal with it.
What telephobia is and why it occurs
Telephobia, or fear of phone calls, is a form of social anxiety. It manifests itself through the following symptoms:
- Worrying about how you'll be perceived.
- Fear of looking awkward or stupid.
- Anxiety about interfering with another person.
- A long reliving of a past conversation and analyzing what was said.
- Panic symptoms when having to talk on the phone (nausea, tremors, rapid heartbeat, dizziness, difficulty breathing).
Phone conversations can seem particularly challenging because they require instant reaction and focus, which is not the case with texting. Introverts find it difficult to tolerate invasion of personal space, and extroverts lack the non-verbal cues of the other person.
How telephobia is ruining your life
Telephobia can seriously interfere with everyday life:
- Makes work difficult, especially if it requires frequent calls.
- Makes it more difficult to deal with domestic and bureaucratic issues.
- Affects social contacts and personal life.
While much can be done online, avoiding phone calls isn't always the answer. Sometimes calls are unavoidable.
How to deal with telephobia
Work on the attitude
Analyze your anxiety-provoking thoughts. For example, if you are afraid you are disturbing someone by calling, ask yourself, "Will they answer if they are busy?" or "Will I be able to get my thoughts across even if I am worried?"
Try exposure therapy
Start calling more often, starting with simple situations. Move to more complex calls gradually. Exposure therapy, especially under the guidance of a therapist, can help with phobias.
A few more ways to make it easier to deal with telephobia
- Reward yourself for your successes.
- Prepare for the conversation by writing down key points.
- Play the conversation in your head, visualizing a positive outcome.
- Treat yourself with care and praise for accomplishments.
If fear of calling is significantly impacting your life, working with a Psytalk psychologist can help you understand the causes of anxiety and find effective ways to overcome it.
Debunking myths about love: what to really expect
Content:
1. What is love
2. Myth 1. Love lives for three years
3. Stages of relationship development
4. Reasons why people enter into relationships
5. Myth 2: Love can only be one for life
6. Serial monogamy
7. Myth 3. You can only love one person at a time
8. Myth 4. Friendship between a man and a woman is impossible
9. What to do with the myths in your head
There are many myths about love. For example, that it lasts only three years or that true love can only be one for life. But what if a person truly believes in these myths? What if he thinks that he has already missed his one and only love and will never meet anyone else? Or, for example, refuses to be friends with the opposite sex, considering such friendship impossible?
Let's get to the bottom of it. Let's discuss popular misconceptions about love and try to understand how it works in order to become real experts in it. Yulia Fedotova, a psychotherapist from the Zigmund.Online service, will help us with this.
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What is love
Each person has a different idea of what love is, and they can all be correct. These ideas depend on a person's culture, age, upbringing and future plans. Everyone has their own unique formula for love based on feelings. Here is our version:
Love is a feeling that arises for another person and includes strong attachment, the desire to be near, to share joys and sorrows. It implies a willingness to do things for the sake of the beloved.
When we love, we are ready to give up our desires for the sake of another. Each of us values our own: comfort, privacy, tenderness. You are not likely to ask a tired partner for support, even if you need it.
Love develops through the joint efforts and involvement of both partners. It causes not only sexual attraction, but also emotional and intellectual attraction: you are comfortable and interested with your partner, you trust him/her. All this is what creates love.
Myth 1. Love lives for three years
Love can last three years, five years, ten years, or longer. When they say that love lives for three years, they mean falling in love caused by a hormonal surge. But love is not just about hormones.
Evolutionary scientists see love as a tool for survival. It is necessary for the continuation of the species. Long-term relationships make it possible to conceive, give birth and protect offspring. After three years, the body no longer reacts so acutely to a partner, and hormone production slows down. But that doesn't mean that love disappears.
Stages of relationship development
Let's look at the stages of relationship development as categorized by psychologist Susan Campbell. There are five.
1. Merger. At this stage, hormone-driven passion arises. Partners are eager to spend time together, ignore each other's shortcomings and form an attachment.
2. Differences. Partners begin to notice each other's differences and shortcomings. Recriminations and accusations arise. If this period is survived, partners begin to accept each other with pluses and minuses.
3. Individualization. Partners are doing their own things, focusing on themselves. This is an important stage to stay together, but not to dissolve in the relationship. It is possible for one partner to be at this stage and the other still in the merging stage, which can cause conflicts.
4. Renewal. If the relationship is maintained, intimacy and caring develops between partners. A balance between "I" and "we" emerges.
5. Love. The image of the partner disappears, the real person next to them is recognized. Partners realize their value for each other, trust and value the relationship.
Reasons why people enter into relationships
Ideally, a person enters a relationship with everything he needs for himself. He or she wants to share and grow with the other. If this is the case, love can be long-lasting.
But sometimes people get into relationships in an attempt to make up for the feelings missing in themselves. These relationships often break up when the hormonal surge passes.
Myth 2. There can only be one love for life.
It's all individual. Someone can love one person all his life, and someone changes partners. A person is likely to have several partners in life. In the past, people barely had time to get married and have children, but even then there were couples who split up and started new relationships.
Serial monogamy
Most people build relationships with more than one partner during their lifetime, this is called serial monogamy. This is normal. People can break up for different reasons, for example, because of changes in values.
Myth 3. You can only love one person at a time.
It is impossible to love several people with the same feelings. Different people evoke different feelings and fulfill different needs. Sometimes a person can have different feelings for different people at the same time, but it will not be the same love.
Myth 4. Friendship between a man and a woman is impossible
If a man and a woman have common interests and values, they can become friends. In such a friendship, people are interested in each other as individuals, not as sexual partners. Friendship between a man and a woman is possible just as it is between two women or men.
The issue of friendship is often controversial because of misunderstandings. If a person is attracted to you sexually, it is not friendship. But romantic feelings can arise between men and women. In such a case, it is better to discuss it with a friend. If the feelings are one-sided, the friendship will probably have to end.
What to do with the myths in your head
Understand how to fix relationships through counseling with a psychologist. Psytalk offers individual and couples therapy.
"Love must be earned": types of co-dependent relationships.
When the boundaries in a relationship are blurred
Table of Contents
1. What is a co-dependent relationship
2. What are the dangers of co-dependent relationships
3. Signs of co-dependent relationships
4. How normal relationships become co-dependent
5. Types of co-dependent relationships
6. Why it is difficult to end co-dependent relationships
7. How to help a loved one in a co-dependent relationship
Sometimes you want to completely merge with your partner - to share all their hobbies, spend all their time together and be an inseparable whole. At such times it is difficult to remember your desires and boundaries. Together with a psychologist, we will understand what co-dependent relationships are and what they can be.
What is a co-dependent relationship
A co-dependent relationship is when a person limits their freedom and becomes emotionally, financially or physically dependent on another. The partner seems to be the only source of resources, so such a relationship greatly affects life. Co-dependency can occur not only in romantic couples. For example, if a person is addicted to alcohol, his family feels the need to rescue him from this addiction.
Emotional dependency
Emotional dependency can occur if a person did not receive enough support in childhood. As an adult, he or she seeks to compensate for this in relationships, becoming dependent on the emotions of the partner. In a healthy relationship, partners express empathy and support, but separate their emotions from those of the other.
Material dependence
Emotional co-dependence can be accompanied by material co-dependence. For example, one partner does not look for work and relies on the other for financial matters. This causes anxiety and instability. There are times when one partner is financially dependent because of circumstances, such as going on maternity leave. In these situations, financial dependency is created, making it difficult to break up the relationship if necessary.
What are the dangers of co-dependent relationships
In a co-dependent relationship, one partner may run emotional swings, alternating between scandals and displays of tenderness. This can lead to:
- Physical violence: Partner is violent and then repents, repeating the cycle.
- Psychological abuse (gaslighting): One partner creates situations in which the other begins to doubt his or her feelings and adequacy.
Signs of a co-dependent relationship
1. Unmet needs: The co-dependent feels that the partner should take care of his/her needs, but cannot ask for it directly.
2. waiting for change: The co-dependent waits for the partner to change and appreciate their efforts.
3. Focus on the partner: All joys and problems become common, and personal interests take a back seat.
4. Self-blame: If something does not suit the partner, the co-dependent blames himself/herself.
How a normal relationship becomes co-dependent
A healthy relationship develops through the stages of familiarity, security, attachment, and shared interests. People with a tendency to co-dependence often skip the security stage, quickly immerse themselves in the relationship and begin to live the interests of the partner, forgetting about their own.
Types of co-dependent relationships
1. Parent and child: One partner is infantile and expects praise, the other partner encourages this behavior.
2. Rescuer and Victim: One partner seeks to protect the other from problems or addiction by taking the blame for their actions.
3. aggressor and victim: One partner controls and uses violence, the other agrees to it, hoping to improve the relationship.
Why it's hard to end a co-dependent relationship
The realization that a person is in a co-dependent relationship often comes only after a major incident or a violation of basic attitudes. The breakup is complicated by the fact that the co-dependent may not realize there is a problem until something significant happens.
How to help a loved one in a co-dependent relationship
1. Offer help: Ask if the person wants your opinion about their situation.
2. Show support: Make it clear that you are ready to listen and support at any time.
If you feel that you are no longer yourself with your partner, contact a psychologist. Psytalk specialists can help you understand your relationship and find ways to improve it.
